One shouldn’t be allowed to look inside themselves so intensely as that. It was crazy. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. It has made me quite confused. I began to see in every aspect of my life dissected; seeing through myself and how strange I am.

As the feeling begins to fade slightly, and normality is setting in, finding the words to describe those feelings is proving a little more difficult.

I often find that my own desires to be an individual make me too different from what is often perceived as the general ‘norm’. Too different? But that doesn’t matter of course, ‘cos what is normal, and no one really cares about it anyway, right? The problem occurs when I am so much inside is my own head that I end up thinking things over so much that making a move to do anything is impossible because first comes what to do, then how to do it, how to say it, no not like that, or that, no that won’t work either, that sounds stupid, that will never ever work. Then it never gets done or said.

Life is a one-man game. You know like those First-Person Shooter games we have all played at some point. The biggest example being Doom. Okay so I don’t walk around with a gun, killing aliens, collecting coloured keys to open doors and moving on through the levels. Life does come with “aliens” in various forms, sometimes “keys” to open metaphorical doors, there may even be “levels”. Unfortunately, no guns. Well okay, but thats not something everyone considers an option – I don’t consider a gun to be an option! Being alone in this “game” they call life is hard.

Not sure how much of a good move watching Good Will Hunting was. I honestly don’t think I have cried so much during one film. Every part of it just seems to provoke such a reaction. Besides the part about having such great intelligence, I somehow manage to relate to it a little too much.

Right, fuck it. I am going to be more impulsive! No more thinking. The next thing I say will have no thought put into it at all. Or it will be made to seem that way at least…

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