November, once simply the Thursday of the year, is now just an excuse for self-important attention-seeking knobs to be well, more knobbish than usual. Posting selfies on their social network pages to update us all on how well they can grow facial hair, as if to prove that they made it past puberty and are now real men. Or maybe they just attention-seeking dicks.
Rather than quiet altruism, giving to charity has become a self-congratulating act: ‘Look at me! Look at this growth on my upper lip! I’m doing it for charity! Now give me money!’
Just no. Stop that.
“Oh but it raises awareness,” they say. Yes, I’m very aware, now do away with the fluff and just give some money to charity. Not everyone needs to know about it. If you cared more about giving to charity you would do so any other month of the year and not feel the need to tell everyone that you’re doing so, whilst unashamedly contorting to self-promotion and asking strangers to give you money so that you feel better about yourself.
So enjoy your mustache, or ‘mo’ as you will call it now, but know that everyone thinks you look like a dick and you appear to be showing us pictures of your face more than you’re telling us how much or how little you’ve raised for charity. You deserve a gold star. It will be awarded to you in heaven. Or perhaps do something that requires a little effort.
But maybe I’m just bitter because I can’t grow proper facial hair…